I married a white man. I didn’t marry him because he is white. I didn’t marry him for money. I didn’t marry him because I have daddy issues. And no, I didn’t marry him so my kids wouldn’t be black. I have a few friends who face the same accusations, even from their spouse’s family. In this area, it is still taboo to some people. If you are one of those people, then you should probably read this. These are things that women in my situation want to say to you.
1) Yes, we may raise our kids differently from what you are used to. We do understand that our husband may have been raised differently, but if the child-rearing falls on the mother, then so do parenting decisions. Your opinion is not wanted, needed, nor warranted. Of course, we have discussed this with your son, so trust his judgment.
2) Yes, of course the kids will probably be considered the race of the minority parent. we know that you may fear your grand kid not identifying with white people/culture, but is it really that bad? What is American culture but a blend from our native lands. Chances are you aren’t all one race anyway. There is a reason that Hitler referred to us as a “mongrel nation.”
3) No, we are not going to simply adopt our husband’s identity to make it easier for people to deal with it. I do not plan on changing the way I talk, the music I listen to, nor the way I style my hair to make it easier for you to cope with me being with your son.
4) No, we cannot be more gentle with their hair. If you are such an expert, then please, show us.
5) No, you don’t have to walk on eggshells because we are black/latina/hispanic. We are aware. Moreover, you don’t have to tell us every ethnic person you know. We don’t all know each other.
6) Yes, even if we disapprove of some of his policies, we do like Barack Obama as a role model for success for our kids. We am proud that my kids were born with higher aspirations than I was. That doesn’t mean you have to like him. Nor does it mean we voted for him because he is black (nobody knows who I voted for).
7) No, we didn’t get married for money. We wouldn’t marry for money; we can be wined and dined without a commitment. Also, we are smart enough to know that not all white people have money.
8) No, we didn’t marry him to feel powerful. Have you not looked at the archetypal black woman? We are strong and independent. We don’t need a man to feel powerful. We are a force.